Thursday, July 19, 2012

Family+ Friendship +Faith=Fernandez

I remember on my recent post "The Vow," I told you I was going to blog about how my husband and I have gotten so sure of each other. Somewhat, I recall posting a note on my Facebook account a year ago in this regard.  If you haven’t read it, here you go.  I copied and pasted it below:


As some of you may know, I just got engaged on March 14,2011, on our 3rd year anniversary with the sweetest guy I’ve ever met, Alan Fernandez. Three years ago, I knew deep down that he is the one, my God’s gift and I was right. You might be wondering why I knew that it is him. Here are few points that immediately come to mind:

  • He came to my life at the right time. Well actually, he did realize and confess his feelings right after I left the country. Peculiar as it may sound, to me timing was just perfect. He gave me comfort and joy when things seemed hard for me at the start of my journey in a foreign land.
  • He is ever so thoughtful and sweet. On our first year in the relationship, each month, he would always remember our ‘monthsary’ by sending me presents. Big or small, to me it doesn’t matter. What matters is  he never forgets our special day and rest of important dates in my life.
  • When 8,708 miles separate us, I don’t miss the habitual companionship, I miss my best friend.
  • Understanding the absolute fact that we believe and worship the same God. Our values and beliefs are completely the same. And that he is willing to go an extra mile too for Christ.
  • He is ever loyal and faithful. Happy to know that I’m his first and will be the last.
  • He makes me a better me. I am influenced by his kindness and humility. He’s so respectful and polite to others. He’s the kind of man who doesn’t carry any grudges or dramas at all. He doesn’t like conflict, thus we barely fight. For him, life is short and should not be wasted.
  • He’s frugal and simple. Though he is better-off in life, you won’t see him wearing branded and expensive clothes. He is good in handling his finances and he dislikes owing money from other people. He knows when to spend and how to save for the rainy days.
  • Realizing that his weaknesses are my strengths, and his strengths are my weaknesses, we complement each other perfectly well.
  • He is my #1 fan. Even without make-up on and with hair all over the place, he still tells me I’m simply beautiful.
  • He knows my worth and treats me with high respect. The topic of chastity is mutually absolute.
  • His voice is literally music to my ears. I can just imagine ourselves singing our hearts out together as we grow old, when there’s nothing left to be said.
  • My opinions always matter and everything I say or do makes sense to him.
  • Accepting the fact that our marriage won’t be all smiles all of the time, no marriage can be better for me than the one I will share with him.

These and many more are the best answers I can give on how I knew he is the one I’m tying the knot with.

In a nutshell, I believe the top three most important factors I considered in searching for a suitable partner or spouse can be abbreviated to these three F’s. Family, Friendship, and importantly, Faith.

Let’s begin with Family. Of course it is very important that my family accepts the person I’m marrying and vice versa. My family’s opinions do matter because I know that they’re only looking after my best interests. Luckily, I’m glad that we hit the bull’s eye on this because our families have known each other for such a long time. Both parties knew us well and they couldn’t be happier that we found each other. I’m sorry to whoever wrote the song ‘You and me against the world’ but I just can’t put up with that. Wouldn’t it be nice if you got along well with your partner’s family? I’m sure all of us desire to live in peace and harmony, don't we? And to know what kind of family he’s from saves you from future dilemmas.

Next is Friendship. Your spouse is your companion for the rest of your life. As my father-in-law once said, the best part of marriage is having a conversation partner whom you can talk with anytime, any topic under the sun. We all have friends and everyone should have friends. We know that some friends stay and inevitably, some friends go, but how can we turn a friend to a potential partner, and a potential partner to your spouse who is going to be your companion and best friend forever! There’s an article that I came across with on how to search for a suitable partner from a Catholic source that I want to share with you. It says that:

The only legitimate way to acquire intimate knowledge about other persons is sincere friendship. Moreover, when the time comes for romance, it can provide a richer and more secure basis for marriage if real friendship has preceded and accompanies it.  It is as important to maintain a chaste friendship. Even if a friend is found unsuitable as one’s potential spouse, the friendship remains worthwhile. But a romantic relationship is appropriate only when it can lead to engagement and marriage. Cos as soon as such a relationship begins to intensify, the underlying erotic emotion leads to significant temptation, and so continuing the relationship becomes an occasion of grave sin. 

After reading this, I realized that the reason why my family strongly encouraged us to go out with a suitable group of friends and why they would be disappointed whenever we go out alone together is because they only wanted to protect us and our friendship. On one of our long trips, my mom went with us to Vegas as our chaperone and I was just happy that Alan took this very well. He even covered my mom’s plane ticket. He’s truly a gentleman :) And ladies, (especially my sisters.hehe) keeping yourself chaste before marriage and finding a guy who would respect you for that is a guy for keeps! Your chastity is the best gift you can give your spouse on your wedding day, trust me, it’s worth the wait! (I realized chastity should be a different story. But this was how I knew Alan was the one) Anyway, I know this is not easy but how could this be possible? That leads me to the last F.

Faith. It is the biggest factor for me. As I journey and grow with my faith and my beliefs, he should do so as well. Again, allow me to seek help from that same article I read to assist me with my justification:

If possible, one should consider only those who share one’s faith. Since marriage should be a full communion of life suited to handing on that whole life to children, a Catholic should marry a Catholic who completely shares his or her faith and moral commitment. Differences in religion detract greatly from unity of mind and heart while impairing parental unity in a most important respect.

From personal experience, my parents are both Catholics. But why did they drift apart? I believe it’s because it was only my mom who remained faithful to her spirituality and my dad did not at that time. However unfortunate that was, it served as an important lesson to us. As mentioned from my past blog, if you want your marriage to stay forever, for more than a lifetime, live in God’s presence. Actually, both of us joined a community before we got married and it helped us in so many ways.

So how did I know Alan was the one for me? Simply because Alan scored 3 points! I mean he possessed all of these 3F’s :)

Likewise, with a grateful heart, we would also like you to experience the same happiness and fullness of life we enjoy right now. I hope this would help you in finding your suitable partner, your soul mate, and your God’s gift. Good luck :)


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