Thursday, April 10, 2014

A Back To Back Self Examination

What an interesting Monday had passed! I had to contrastingly examine two things in myself. 

First-- my conscience.
Second-- my job performance.

Examining ourselves can be compared to examining a car. When my car reached 100,000 miles/mark, I had to bring it to a mechanic to have it serviced, checked, replaced what had to be replaced, added some type of fluids to ensure smooth drive, and when I drove it, it felt like a brand new car again. It's same thing with us, we have to be assessed at some point in our lives. We need to be aware of what things we have to change and to improve on so we get better and keep on doing a good job. Anyway, back to the 2 things.

My conscience.

In our Catholic church each year, a group of priests hold a mass confession to prepare us and cleanse our heart, mind and soul for holy week. I'm so guilty of not going to monthly confession as what our church encourages us to do. I only go and confess my sins during Lent and Advent season. It's embarrassing and I really need to work on this. That was one thing I had to confess. hehe. 

My job performance.

At work each year, we fill out an employee self-evaluation at end of fiscal year. It is the perfect time to put our performance on paper and show off the hard work we've accomplished for the year. It has to look nice and impressive especially if we hope for a raise or promotion.   

I'm not gonna lie, in my employee self evaluation, I sounded quite conceited. I always do each year. Although I have been honest with my evaluation and my supervisors can attest to that, I don't know why at this time of year, I feel so stuck up. Who doesn't want a raise? Who wouldn't be static to get an excellent rating? They validate our performance and our worth to the company. It is good to be great at what we do and to utilize our God-given talents but it just doesn't come out naturally in me to give glory to myself. When I started to accept Jesus in my life, I learned to give Him back all the praises I get for He is the source of everything. At the end of writing my evaluation, I felt so consumed.

On the other hand, in examining my conscience, I had to strip myself from all vanity, glory and looked deep down my faults. It is not the most comfortable thing to do whenever I admit to a priest the repugnant and ugly things I've done but dude the moment I step out of the confession room, I feel so light and clean! I need not to uphold and display my strengths and my weaknesses and still I am accepted and loved by His grace! God loves me even when I don't deserve it. All He asks is for me to reconcile and repent! 

How divergent. 

This made me realize the difference between heaven and earth more.

We live in a world where we like to put ourselves on a pedestal. We love it when we're praised and when people value us. We like getting multiple likes in our IG and Facebook status. Everything has a price tag. We long for status, power, and wealth. In order for us to have all these, we basically have to earn it. We need to study to get the job we want, we need to work hard if we want to get our goals in life, and sometimes, when push comes to shove, we got to sacrifice some important things that blocks us from our success. We will do whatever it takes to reach the top of the world. But that is in the world. 

In heaven, we get there simply by accepting that Jesus is our savior. That simple. We don't need to write and elaborate all the good and bad things we've done because He is all knowing. No pretensions. We already have earned His grace by Jesus' laying His self on the cross. We just need to acknowledge Him, confess our sins and turn away from them. In doing so, we are humbled and He is lifted up. When we are heartily sorry for all our sins, we try to live a righteous way of life that pleases God, and if we believe in God the Father almighty, then we definitely have the key to unlock a reward bigger than we could ever have imagined. Eternal life. To God be the glory!


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