Today, I find myself bewildered with thoughts and emotions striking like lightning through my mind. Usually, I get excited whenever happy and inspirational thoughts come across. I like it because I get to write it down into my blog and the world gets a dose of that happy pill too!
However, today is not like one of those days. I feel afraid, confused, surprised, vulnerable, crushed, discouraged or if I put every emotion in a phrase, it would be, "what-the-heck"!
I don't normally feel like this. Where is my positive mojo when I need it the most? I am sheerly a happy, jolly, no-first-nor-second-nor-third-world-problem-bothers-me kind of way. I am thick skinned and would laugh on every silly and shallow thing.
But like you, like any other normal person, I get hurt too. I hit rock bottom too. I just don't show it sometimes. I don't overkill my FB page with post like "I am sad and I need a bucket of haagen dazs" to make me feel better. (See how I'm still trying to cheer myself up despite being miserable.lol) For me, it won't do much but chismis. Mmmmm, aminin!
I choose not to tell anyone how I feel (before I decided to post this here). Sometimes it's better that way. I didn't want anyone to think badly of the other party, no matter how deeply hurt I was, care, love and respect is still there. However, I felt so alone and pathetic.
So on my lunch break, I went out and breathed some fresh air. Eventhough it's raining (felt like the weather sympathized with me), I drove to one place I knew I can only find refuge and answers to my bewildering questions. A place where I don't get judged and hurt, my happy place (besides my blog), my parish, St. Benedict. The peace and comfort I got from hearing God's word was inexplicable. Truly, it's the most effective and most affordable way of all therapies and spiritual healing.
At this point, I feel better and wiser.
Struggles, I believe, are necessary sporadically to help us grow stronger. From being discouraged and gone to pieces, I now feel fearless and more confident because I know God's love for me is absolute and unconditional. Man's love wears out, but never God's.
To those who hit rock bottom too and can relate to my experience, hope this blog helps.
Saying hello to good vibes again!