On My Own

On my own, pretending he's beside me.

All alone, I walk with him till morning.

Without him, I feel his arms around me.

And when I lose my way I close my eyes, 

and he has found me....

Okay, this post is not really about the beautiful song from Les Miserables which is one of my favorite songs or to scrutinize one of the best musicals that has been brought to the big screen. This song has just been stuck in my head lately.

As many of you know, I am on my own again. I mean I'm not all completely on my own because I still live with my family. I am on my own because my husband has traveled back to the motherland for a while. 

Surprisingly, when I sent him off to the airport on Saturday, I didn't bawl my eyes out. In the past, I would literally cry a river every time we parted ways but this time was bizarrely a different story. It was odd because I was pretty much cool and caught myself laughing on some silly things on that day. 

Before we were headed to the airport, my family blessed and prayed over Alan's safe travel. In the middle of  a solemn and sincere supplication, my mom couldn't help but cry. She stepped out quickly to grab a piece of tissue paper, then dried up her tears and blew off her nose. Then my Lola got fascinated by her crying and she all of a sudden, without any inhibition, laughed out loud and told my mom, "hahaha nauna ka pa umiyak sa anak mo!" (you cried even before your daughter did). Then we burst out into laughter. My lola unintentionally exudes a lot of whims and she never fails to crack us all up. 

Then we were off to the airport and it helped that my mother tagged along with me. It was funny because from the moment she sat in the car till we got in the airport, till we went back home, she was constantly talking and randomly rambling on this and that. I believe we didn't even think of turning the radio on because it's just going to be useless. hahaha. Her being a chatterbox became very beneficial at that point when I had to free myself from sulking in to negative and sad thoughts. She distracted me from becoming emotional about the situation. 

Although before Alan had to go in the security checkpoint where we had to completely let go of each other, in my head, I planned on hugging him tight and kissing him like how the French people do it. lol. However, my plans badly failed because my mom was there. hahaha. It's like I want to tell her "you're not supposed to obviously look between a couple smooching you know" but I know I will just get smacked right in the head. hahaha. PDA is a no no.  

Then after we said our goodbyes, I bought my mom coffee to thank her for coming with me. Then she offered to buy me lunch at a Chinese restaurant as sort of a consolation to hold my spirits up. She knows me well that good food makes me all giddy and happy. I got my favorite Shrimp Walnut and a fortune cookie that stated "WAIT". What an affirmation. 

There's really nothing to be miserable about. I have a family who comforts me and a husband whom I know will be back before I know it. 

Also, I can also use this time of detachment from my husband as a time to focus on my journey with God and of my service to Him. I am guilty to admit that when we're together, we get less time for Him and that should not be the case. Gotta work hard on that. It's a good thing that I have plenty of books in line that talk about keeping God in the center of marriage and how to become an even better wife. Perfect time to meditate on them this Lenten season. I also need to start losing weight soon after all the calorific and delicious food we have indulged over the past 6 months. hahaha.

I am full of hope and excitement for my hubby's return. Those feelings overrule my sadness. I know God has great plans waiting for us when we get back together. For when he returns, it might be a start of a new chapter in our lives :)

xoxo,

Joselle