In retrospect, if my husband met me before I knew Christ, I don't think he would like me. I am completely a different person back then. (Thank you Jesus for your saving grace!) Back in my juvenile days, my old self would curse, would put others down with hurtful words, would bully, would dishonor her parents, and say other stupid-unkind things without thinking. I've never realized how much trouble I've done and relationships I've broken because of my tongue.
My husband, on the other hand, is very gentle, kind, sensitive, and polite. When we met, I was already on my journey towards having a relationship with the Lord and so my choice of words started to change. He told me he liked me because I was nice. I was like, really? me? nice? wow! Not even my family would say I was nice. It is really by God's grace that a person can completely change. After college, I started attending bible studies, prayer groups and it had a positive impact in my life. I realized how unbecoming the way I communicated before. It wasn't like Christ at all. Through daily prayers and surrounding myself with positive people, I became more pleasant. Likewise, I attracted a nice guy! :)
Words can either build or destroy a person. Growing up, we were 4 girls with interesting hormones raised single handedly by my mom. When she's stressed out and getting attacked by high blood pressure, she would blurt unpleasant words and we grew up thinking it was normal. Our mom loves us so much and would give her life for us so we know she only tried her best to discipline us. Parents only correct their children because they love them but adding unkind and punitive words is unnecessary and ungodly. I grew up to be very insecure because I lacked affirmation that I was good, I was beautiful, and I was loved. And this also made me awkward in affirming how much I love someone. How can you give what you don't have?
When my sisters, mom and I moved to the US, we joined a community and our relationship bloomed like never before. We still occasionally fail in affirming love to one another but it had gotten a lot better. We had gotten closer. We now give cards with warm messages and gifts every birthdays and special occasions to one another. We go to mass together every Sunday, eat together every supper and are more open to one another. Affirmation is still an area we really need to work hard on and we cannot do this alone. We have to constantly pray for humility and God's grace.
With my husband, I am bombarded with daily praises and affirmation. I have never been celebrated and cared for. He makes sure that my love tank is full with affirmation. He tells me he loves me everyday and his love for me grows stronger each day. He is the cheesiest husband ever (and I'm the cheesiest wife) and I am totally buying it.
Husbands, pursue your wives everyday like the way you courted her. Wives, affirm your husbands because there's nothing better for a guy than us wives boosting their self worth. Let us respect and honor one another with our words and through this, we honor the Lord. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10.
When the time comes that God grants us children, may we shower them with love and kindness. May He guide us in every step in discipling them. May God use us purposefully as an instrument to let them know how much they are precious to Him. May we demonstrate to them how much their daddy and mommy loves one another. May we show them an example of our love for each other that it may inspire them to find someone that reflects the same love.
Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. (Colossians 4:6 NASB)