Friday, August 3, 2012

Cold War

Between my husband and me, I admit, I am the talker. I do a lot of jibber-jabber. Usually, that's how girls are naturally made. Maybe the ratio would be for a thousand words I say in a day, his would only be a third of that. In all fairness to him, he's a good listener. So we complement each other well. However, when I get upset with him, he easily notices because I refuse to talk. In other words, I give him the 'silent treatment.' And that's the time he likes to throw jibber-jabber on me. More often than not, girls tend to constantly nag and snap when their strings get pulled by their men, but not me. Nah ah! I was never a confrontational type and I just like to keep my mouth shut whenever I get disappointed. I just wait for some kind of intervention that would make him realize his fault and later on apologize. Sometimes I even wishfully think that he should read my mind like a fortune teller so he would know what's bothering me. 

So last night, I had a sporadic emotional meltdown. Part of it might be due to weariness from a long day at work, household chores, and to women’s curse of monthly cycle. Yes, I’d like to blame it on those factors. Honestly, I can just count in one hand the times we fought because it’s really rare. My husband is the nicest person I’ve ever met. Like, if he didn’t meet me, he would probably end up as a priest. Hehe. Anyway, last night, we had a misunderstanding that led me in declaring what I'd like to call a ‘cold war.’ I call it cold war because not only did I give him the silent treatment, but I also gave him the cold shoulder. Last night was the only time in my life that I caught myself interested more in watching sports on TV (London Olympics) than talking to him. I just wanted to zip my mouth, shut him off, and sleep. I really don't get upset easily. My patience can be compared to a caregiver who looks after a patient with dementia. I am the kind of person who is slow to anger, and maybe that's why I sometimes tend to keep myself calm first and hold my horses because I don’t want to express myself when I’m mad. When people are in a rage, they can definitely mouth off brutal and hurtful words that later on they end up regretting. So I thought by keeping my mouth shut, I was doing him a huge favor. Then I went off to bed, leaving him still with a cold shoulder.

The next day, I woke up with a heavy heart. I felt well rested but my heart was uneasy. While I was driving my way to work, I was pondering on my actions last night and I knew there was something I had missed on. Before the wedding, remember that I mentioned in one of my posts that we had undergone a series of sessions in preparation for marriage? Our godparents told us through that course that it is not good to use the ‘silent treatment’ on your spouse. It is indeed a marriage killer! Now I completely figured out why. It didn’t do any good and did nothing but hurt and disrespect my husband. I swore to God to honor him but what have I done? I realized I was unconsciously manipulating him. That the only way to compromise was either he’d go my way or the highway. I thought I was teaching him a lesson but what lesson did it actually teach him? To always give in to my stubbornness and to please me and do whatever I want? I was being selfish and full of pride. I only asserted total dominance when God said, “wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)" Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse and it not only hurts your spouse and yourself, but it scars the marriage as well. And that’s the last thing I want!

I started the war, therefore, I should be the one to bring it to an end. I had to let my guard down. So the next day, I decided to talk to him and apologize. I let him know what it was that blew me up and he apologized as well. I know and believe that he won’t do anything purposefully to hurt me. I’m so glad that both of us humbled ourselves down and got it resolved. Now we’re getting better and better in communicating with one another. Proper communication is the key! Also, communicating with respect and love! 
We gotta forgive as Christ forgives, move on, carry on, and for me, blog about it. Sharing is caring. Hehe (:

Also, if you can avoid the following when you and your spouse are having a misunderstanding, that would be awesome:

When there's something that bothers you about your spouse, tell it directly to him/her. However, should the problem be out of hand and can't be easily resolved then that's the time you can ask for help. Spiritual advice is highly encouraged. 

Alcohol doesn't help. Period!

Neglecting the problem and diverting attention to shopping to compensate your emotional meltdown to happiness will lead you to financial breakdown.

I hope somehow our experience would help you in your own relationship. Say no to Silent Treatment or Cold War. Always remember Ephesians 4:2, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.” May God’s love and peace be with y’all.

Happy Friday!


PS: Keep in mind to always...

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